California Uber Alles!

Has Freddie suddenly turned into a Californian elitist separatist?  Nope, he's just arrived back in the land of the sand from a couple of weeks holidaying in the land of the free, the obese and cosmetic surgery (well, silicon boobs) - otherwise referred to as a subset of the US commonly known as California.  The sun may always shine on TV, but the Californian sun certainly isn't what it used to be.

Driving around the second home paradise wonderland of Lake Tahoe, it's easy to see that the dreams of middle class America having been shattered by the foreclosure notices on their lakeside weekend retreats.  Too much money spent on their dubiously eco friendly Toyota Prius's methinks - should have stuck to the Motown gas guzzlers and kept the pesky Japs out!  California's been hit pretty visibly, the Governator (Arnie Schwarzenegger) hasn't been able to do much about the quality of the highways - pretty disgraceful even by Greek, let alone "working" European standards.  A prime example of what happens when you spend more than you earn and look for your big federal brother to bail you out - trouble is, what happens when your big brother is broke?  Interestingly, America is still a country divided by states where nobody thinks people live "beyond them thar hills".

On to the natural beauty of Yosemite travelled Freddie and the family.  Any pointers here for the wider economy?  No and maybe.  Still packed with tourists who seemed pretty happy not to be bothered by Mickey Mouse or indeed the rest of the world.  That said, the residents of Yosemite who seem to have been cut off from the economic realities of the rest of the world by the snow capped mountains surrounding them on all four sides.  Well, time the recession hit these lazy buggers who think they can just turn up for work and claim a fistful of dollars from the unsuspecting tourist mugs and put them up in hotels that haven't changed since Kennedy was assassinated.  Here's the news, it's coming big time for ya!  Nothing like a recession to clean out the crusties and no more welcome than here.  Dinosaurs who refuse to change become extinct even in the most mountain protected valleys in the end.  Adapt or die, barriers to entry don't last forever as people don't have to stop off and visit if there's other more attractive value for money places to go.

From the insulated natural beauty of Yosemite, Freddie took the long highway down to Southern California.  Interesting how the non-mountain insulated rest of California is facing up to recession.  Deals a plenty and people willing to work for their money (even the hookers are offering 30 minute "specials").  Stop off at an outlet mall and you'll realise the Americans want a bargain, not a designer rip off.  Toll roads left pretty much empty as people don't want to pay their five bucks and would prefer the lumps and bumps of former Governor Arnie's "free" highways.  Also interesting to see how the "native" Californians no longer see the service industry as being beneath them and are happy to serve in bars in restaurants to keep themselves afloat.  Contrast this with the average European restaurant staffed by stroppy locals or Eastern Europeans.  The message seems to have got home here far faster than Europe - you have to work for your money and put a smile on your face while you're at it!

Good to see that friendly Uncle Murdoch and his boys are still playing their media games in the land of the "free".  Not satisfied with phone tapping in the UK, the US media and politicians thought they'd have a laugh and shut down the Eastern seaboard by escalating a weather story out of all proportion.  They managed to close down Wall Street and everywhere else for a tropical storm called Hurricane Irene (admittedly the Bahamas and Caribbean got hit pretty hard) but the sight of a news team supposedly retreating rapidly from the forces of nature whilst a man in a t-shirt calmly walks his dog on the beach wasn't exactly reassuring in its portrayal of the oncoming terror!  Interestingly, when nothing happened to the metropolis of Manhattan, Mayor Bloomberg then starts telling his voters how he'd single handedly held the terrifying winds at bay and saved their lives....  Brings back memories of Gordon Brown saving the world, yeah right Gordo.

You see here's the point to today's ranting for T0.  Whilst the good citizens of California know there's a real fight (otherwise known as the economic recession) and are rolling their sleeves up and getting on with it, the doomsayers in the media always seem to need the next story and the politicians want to show how they've saved the day.  As always, those that want to do something about their situation will do so.  Trouble is, there's always somebody who needs to sell a story and somebody else who wants to freeload and convince us all we need them to save us from some imaginary monster.  In other words, here's a great example of why the press and politicians need to get behind the people they're supposed to serve and stop trying to convince us there's a monster behind every corner that only they can save us from!

On a more historical note and still relevant to T0, the song "California uber alles" by the Dead Kennedys does not promote Californian separatism or elitism.  Quite the contrary, it's a satirical song about the dearth of revolution in modern California following the 1960's.  What began as a tirade against Governor Jerry Brown in the 1970's and his lust for power, evolved into a protest about Ronald Reagan and ultimately equally applicable to the perceived extremism by the writer (Jello Biafra) of former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Freddie may not agree with all of Biafra's sentiments, but would certainly argue the validity of his view on out of control self-interested politicians and their ineffectiveness.  California uber alles!

London Calling!

"London calling to the faraway towns. Now war is declared, and battle come down. London calling to the underworld.  Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls."  Joe Strummer (The Clash), 1979.  Why did The Clash (one of the world's greatest punk rock bands) write this song?  Answer, the lyrics reflect desperation of the band's situation in 1979 struggling with high debt, without management and arguing with their record label.  Joe Strummer and the band were not only great lyricists (and clearly heroes of Freddie the Capitalist), but are now prophets!  


Now Freddie has only done a couple of "near" riots in his time, one in his student days when a good old fashioned sit in at the LSE against apartheid seemed like a pretty good way to spend a day.  Ok, not really a riot but did go down well with a left wing hottie - when in Rome.......  Banksters don't really get too involved in riots as such, but there was a time in Slovenia when a client wouldn't let us out of their offices for fear of being filmed by the local tv news channel and labelled as foreign asset strippers!  The thought of being labelled as any kind of "stripper" didn't really go down too well with fellow bankers, so the decision to stay entrapped wasn't too hard.  Personally, my first question was to ask where the strip joint was - didn't go down too well with the CEO!  Freddie can also just about remember those heady days in the eighties when traders enjoyed a bit of rioter baiting by flashing their gold Amex cards at the anarchists, too be honest, it may have been funny but it wasn't clever.


Let's look at what's happened in the years since Joe penned London Calling.  A whole class has developed that has grown up without expecting to have to work for reward, and I'm not talking just about footballer's.  A whole generation has lost it's way with men thinking they can father children left, right and centre then walk away leaving his family to be state supported.  Youths know they can swear and spit at anybody they like without being punished.  Politicians and other criminals know they can steal and get away with it as police numbers are cut.  Nobody will admit to this ever increasing under-class that is benefit dependent and lusting after the same living standards as the workforce that pays for them.  Politicians continue to pander to these people in their eternal pursuit for ballot box votes.  Now add to this the economic crisis and the threat to their living standards, the events of the last week should come as no surprise.  Joe strummer certainly saw it coming, far more so than Cameron & Co.


Interestingly, this seems to have come as a surprise to the rest of the world.  Although President Ahmadinejad of Iran has found a new sense of irony with using the riots in London as an excuse to call for respect from the UK police of the human rights of protesters.  The somewhat ironic text messages going round the Middle East on Blackberries only amplifies the amusement of the rest of the world at the sense of irony.  Freddie was actually asked if these riots were inspired by the Arab Spring!  To be honest most rioters in the UK think the Arab Spring is probably a late night kebab shop!  So let's not give their actions the credibility of any real sense of purpose other than stealing with impunity.


Let's not bother with sociological psychobabble and get straight to the heart of the problem  - what caused all this?  So back to the prophet Strummer.  I'm joining with Mr Strummer and lay a lot of the blame here at the carping political and business elite - the same one's that think the North-South divide is in Kensington.  We should all applaud the heroic Cameron for his stern condemnation of the rioters and telling them there there can be no justification for their actions - I'm sure that we're all grateful you brought an early end to your tennis lessons in Tuscany.  Nobody has the right to inflict violence on others or to steal from others, unless of course your are the wife of Rupert Murdoch.  While I'm back on the subject of News International, a particular "well done" to Sky News for showing the idiots in other parts of the UK that it's ok to riot as the police don't do anything.  To be fair, the prophet Joe also foresaw that riots in London would spread throughout the UK, so he was also one step ahead on Rupert's boys.  Maybe Commons Committees should have a few aged punk rockers asking the questions?


Cameron lectures on morality, “We will restore a stronger sense of morality and responsibility – in every town, in every street and in every estate.”  Fine, as long as this applies equally to the rich as it does to the poor.  No excuses, this was about a culture of greed and envy - even the rioters are admitting this was their version of a "fire sale".  But look who was stealing from the taxpayers not so long ago.  Labour MP Gerald Kauffman didn't need to bash down the window of an electronics shop, he just used "expenses" to steal (sorry Gerald, I meant "buy") an £8,700 Bang & Olufsen tv - the same as the shop being looted in Ealing, London.  Not difficult to get the picture is it?  Is Joe Strummer's underworld really so different to the elite of society?  Greed and envy are not just limited to the obvious law breakers.  A policeman was asked why so few of those arrested fitted the stereotypical rioter, he replied that those arrested were "too stupid or too lazy to evade arrest" implying the real criminals don't get caught, too true!  Stupid indeed!  Freddie was particularly confused as to why the rioters didn't use their chance to nab a sausage roll from Gregg's the Bakers in Tottenham - seemed remarkably untouched considering all stores around were being looted.  No accounting for taste I suppose, I know which I'd have gone for if having the choice of a sausage roll and a cake versus a pair of white socks and track shoes from a sports shop.

So how would Freddie and the boys put this right in the brave new world of T0?  First of all, everybody would have to listen to more punk rock and the words of the prophet Joe.  Just kidding, although Sid Vicious probably wouldn't work either (Anarchy in the UK).  Simple you can't preach what you don't practice.  Society in the United kingdom has long since been morally bankrupt (it's not just the banks that are out of currency).  Leadership comes from the top and across all of the leadership class.  On the face of it, there is no excuse for thievery and rioting.  Scratch beneath the political veneer of Cameron & Co and it's easy to see that the rioters are simply following the example set by the poitical leaders.  Whether their leaders are politicians, businessmen, bankers or footballers - nobody has been setting the right example.  Rioters and thieves of all classes need to be equally treated and punished.  A return to the values of T0 (see the very first post of this blog) would be a starting point.  The moral compass needs to be re-set with those following a culture of excess and greed punished accordingly.

Holiday in the sun? Don't forget to tip the Italian waitress!

Following the last post, it's time Freddie got back on the straight and narrow again. Great story about David Cameron not tipping an Italian waitress for a cup of coffee whilst on holiday.  Basically, she said she was too busy to serve him (didn't recognise that the suave handsome bugger in front of her with his posh totty wife was the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom) so he could get his own Americano!  Somewhat unsurprisingly, the waitress still manages to find a British journalist to sell her story to.  Aaahhh, so many thoughts and so little time thinks Freddie.

Reminds me of all those times in the Russian hotel lobbies when the hookers actually thought you had to go up to them and ask for the pleasure of their company.  No Mr Cameron, your continental chickeroon doesn't see life quite the way you do.  Just ask Silvio Berlusconi.  No money, no honey!  Quite topical really given the collapse of the Italian stock market today, if only he'd given her a tip....   Of course, as Cameron has found out this week, in Europe they want the money and don't always give you the honey.  Beginning to get the picture?  Sounds a lot like the European Union from the perspective of the British taxpayer.  Or yet another form of Greek love (save our bums) for the poor old German taxpayer (all puns intended for the avoidance of doubt).

So let me enlighten Mr Cameron about dealing with foreign ladies whilst abroad with my experiences and those of countless other banksters, hopefully he'll find this helpful both in life and in dealing with "Johnnie Foreigner's" across the table in future.

There is a very famous bar on Tverskaya Street in Moscow called Night Flight.  It is full to the brim of attractive and very friendly Russian ladies.  Every foreign businessman knows of it, especially the visiting banksters - no point in denying it to the Missus, trust me.  So here are the lessons.  First of all, doesn't matter how hard you try and resist it, you will go there.  My advice is to overcome temptation and give in to it with open eyes, enter negotiations with a realistic entry and exit strategy.   Freddie always went in with only enough money to buy a drink - you can't spend what you don't have (another lesson here for politicians) and once they sense you've got no money you clearly have no use and it's straight on in the search for the loaded gullible punter.  Understand that every girl has a story, and it's usually a derivative of the same story.  She has just broken up with her boyfriend/husband has been left saddled with debts and is just relieved to have met a handsome caring man such as yourself who can make her feel better (gents, your not handsome - sorry).  Sounds like a Greek/Irish/Spanish/Italian politician talking to the IMF - a never ending tale of broken promises and disappointments.

Be careful of what you might say wherever you find yourself, it can and will be used against you no matter how you stick to your guns and well intentioned you are.  Just like james Murdoch, you will be found out - in Freddie's case the mobile accidentally called the missus and she heard the lot, oops!  If you don't, they'll spot your weakness and always be coming back to you for more.  If you're unlucky, the result of repeat visits is an embarrassing rash that you can't explain to the missus that simply won't go away.  In Cameron's/Merkel's case, the missus is the electorate and the rash that won't go away that you can't explain could easily be any of the mediterranean countries that keep coming back to be bailed out.

So you see, it's not just the oligarchs of Russia that can teach us a thing or two about basic economics.  The good ladies of Moscow have embraced capitalism in all of its forms and could teach any European politician: how to take money; keep them coming back for more; and if you haven't got the money, don't expect the honey!  Now I can't imagine Mr Cameron would have had the benefit of being tutored by a Russian lady of the night, but I'm pretty sure the politicians of Greece, Spain and Italy mastered the dark arts of persuasion from somewhere, Bunga, Bunga Silvio Berlusconi!

Desert sun - anything we can learn?

So it's all change in the Islamic world with the onset of the holy month of Ramadan.  For those of you not familiar with Ramadan, it is an intensely spiritual time intended to teach Muslims about patience, spirituality, humility and submissiveness to God.  Ramadan is a time of spiritual reflection and worship. Muslims are expected to put more effort into following the teachings of Islam and to avoid obscene and irreligious sights and sounds. During fasting intercourse is prohibited as well as eating and drinking, one is also encouraged to resist all temptations while you are fasting (fasting takes place in daylight hours). Emphasis is placed on purity of both thoughts and actions during Ramadan.

I have experienced Ramadan in several countries with varying degrees of adherence and indeed ignorance, the ignorance being mainly on my part and of those who haven't taken the trouble to understand either Ramadan or Islam.  For the record, this is not meant to be a religious sermon, rather some thoughts on what we might learn or change about ourselves or our behaviour.  Like Linkin Park, even I can change the record occasionally.  So forgive me if this isn't funny, but life ain't always a laugh.

A couple of news stories from the United Kingdom this week have really brought these thoughts to the front of my mind.  A very silly young woman (I can't bring myself to call her a lady) named Tulisa Contostavlos, a so called pop star and television celebrity judge on the X Factor was recently interviewed and quoted as saying "I smoked weed when I was a kid and got into fights. We did pinch a couple of handbags.  She added: "I wasn't part of a girl gang, though. We were just a group of troublesome chicks.  Obviously, we were consuming so much weed and alcohol, we were going loopy anyway.".  Now Tulisa wasn't exactly in "confession" mode, this was her way of trying to show her "street cred".  Given that she's now made an awful lot of money without any real hard work, she has become a role model for the non-aspirational and idle young that is becoming increasingly prevalent in the fading star that was once the United Kingdom.

How would such behaviour fit in with the spiritual reflection and abstinence of Ramadan?  You might think that the youth of Islam don't heed much attention to the abstinence and reflection of Ramadan, you'd be wrong!  Getting caught eating or drinking in public is not something taken lightly, if the law doesn't get you then the shame you bring on your family is far worse.  The oh so hip Tulisa wouldn't be boasting about the under age pre-marital sex; smoking weed; or stealing handbags.  Neither, I suspect would she see these as "cool boasts".  You might say that Freddie should take his head out of his own backside,  I would say that Tulisa and her "fans" should take a long hard look at themselves from the outside!  A great deal of intraspection is needed here.  Don't think that Ramadan is a once a year cleansing process.  The principles last all year, it doesn't have to be puritanical or extremist.  Like most things in this life we all live, moderation and reflection on our actions is never a bad thing.  Similarly, the discipline imposed by Ramadan is indeed a refreshing change that Western society might want to have a long hard think about.

It never ceases to amaze me how the west is so afraid of the spread of Islam in the so-called multicultural society.  Obama is still viewed with suspicion over his Islamic background.  I will not comment on the maniac in Norway - only just that he is a complete maniac whose actions will never be justified by any rational argument.  However, a discussion in the Spectator magazine took me by complete surprise this week.  The discussion centred on expelling the hundreds of thousands of Islamic migrants in both the United Kingdom and Europe.  Why did this surprise me?  For some reason I thought the readers of the Spectator were educated citizens of the human race who might actually see the benefits of cultural diversity rather than a terrorist hiding under a burka as a means of escaping justice.  Sure, I get the when in Rome argument, but that doesn't stop the sex on the beach western tourists in the Middle East from complaining about being arrested. Personally, I'd have them whipped in public - a kind of voyeuristic S & M show that they might quite enjoy themselves given they like to inflict their sex on the rest of us!

Of course, extremism has no place in most western societies - unless you live in France, Germany, the former Yugoslavia, the North of England, Italy, Spain, the Southern States of the United States......  Ooops, that's most of the Western world.  See, we're not so different in our tolerance of extremism after all.  So why not take a day off and think of the principles underlying Ramadan of patience and purity of thoughts.  Now I could have a go at my favourite symbols of greed: the banksters and footballers.  Today though, I'm going to practice what I preach and show a thought or two for these characters.  Not least of which is due to the amount of job losses announced by the banks over the last week.  Don't worry though, at the end of the day the sun will go down and my victims will tremble with fear once more!

Lesson for T0?  A bit tricky from this one.  I'm not going to say that the world should convert to Islam, I for one couldn't keep off the Grey Goose and Red Bull or a decent French red wine!  I'm with Silvio Berlusconi on keeping the hotties about for all to enjoy.  However, everything has it's place and it's not such a good thing that 12 year old girls aspire to be table dancers.  I will say that all societies should undertake a period of reflection, abstinence and self-discipline every so often.  I for one am fed up with the "pop porn princesses" like Rhianna and Britney - I don't want my children seeing them writhing around on stage in rubber telling the ten year old's of the world that "chains and whips excite" them.  That's not to say that chains and whips don't excite me, just that kids should enjoy being kids first and adults later.  Don't tell me that you can always turn off the tv, this is all around us!

In the brave new world that is T0, wouldn't it be good if Tulisa, Britney and Rhianna were more concerned about making their parents proud of them rather than wincing about their sex lives and stealing?  Really girls, not very clever.  Indeed, you are about as dangerous to modern society as any religious zealot.  T0 would certainly turn the clock back a bit and get rid of this hedonistic in your face materialism.  If we'd sat back and thought about were we right to lust after that BMW or property we didn't really need then perhaps life might be a little different today.  Who knows?  I do!

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, it probably is.  I do promise to get back to the villains and utterly stupid of the world shortly.

OMG - Ronaldo to the rescue? Now we really know we're in trouble.

Continuing on with Freddie's theme of bringing the tax dodging evil footballers back down to planet reality where those that pay their wages inhabit, one particular news item caught my attention this week.  Christiano Ronaldo, the "Galactico" of Real Madrid, is now a potential asset of the European Central Bank!  The loan used to pay Manchester United's transfer fee by Real Madrid has been used by Bankia (the Spanish bank that gave Real Madrid the loan to fund the transfer) has been put up as collateral for emergency funding from the European Central Bank ("ECB").  To be fair, Bankia lent Real Madrid a mere Euro 76.5m ($110 million) to cover both Ronaldo as well as the Brazilian Kaka.  The upshot is that if Bankia goes bust, the ECB will be the proud owners of Ronaldo and Kaka.

So how does all this fit in with the austerity measures "sweeping" through Europe?  Ronaldo has been rumoured to be asking for wages of $32 million if he is to move back to rainy Manchester to play for Manchester CITY!  Unsurprisingly this would compensate him for the high taxes everybody else in the UK has to pay.  How can the ECB seriously take this loan as collateral?  In the event of a fire sale they would only be worth a fraction of the loan amount, unless the rich guys in Russia or the Middle East come to the rescue again.  This means you would have a loan of $110 million which for you have to pay $32 million out in wages just for Ronaldo, how does that make any sense?  Why would you want this asset on your books, it just doesn't make sense.  In the event of default for Bankia, the ECB would have to sell Ronaldo immediately or have the world's highest paid public employee on it's books at a time when Spain had just fallen apart!  Bizarrely the Bankia loan was AAA rated - the same as the credit rating of the United States.  We all know how safe a bet the United States is looking right now.....  This piece of stunning banking explains everything about why Europe is in the mess it's in today.

The simple fact is that footballers are paid way too much in the post credit crisis world we live in.  Of course you may argue that it's not their fault that they cost so much in transfer fees.  Of course it is!  They demand absurd wages that have to be paid by clubs desperate to win trophies, this inflates all aspects of football's finances including transfer fees - inevitably it's the supporter that picks up the bill.  Don't think for one moment that Ronaldo took lower wages off Real Madrid to compensate for the rainy north west of England, he moved for cash in his cutesy Gucci back pocket not sunshine.  That's fine as long as the supporters can afford it, but they can't!

Other than the collateralization of the loan of "pretty boy" Ronaldo (can't help my prejudices on this one - I have clearly stated I'm a long suffering West Ham fan), why does this whole affair bother me?  After all, Freddie has seen sporting politics/business at first hand through both the sale of a club and players so this latest lunacy shouldn't come as a surprise.  Any sane person that becomes involved in football quickly becomes insane, even the most intelligent person is infected by this insanity.  Talk to any player's agent, the first thing he asks is how much for the player (and agent)?  Nothing to do with will his player win trophies at the new club or the player having a special relationship with his fans so couldn't consider a move - SHOW ME THE MONEY!  Having said that, even I'm amazed that the Eurocrats running the ECB can accept this rubbish as collateral or even consider bailing out a bank that gets involved in this sort of thing.

If the free market were to be allowed to operate, Bankia will go bust (as it probably should) along with the rest of Spain.  Ronaldo, Kaka and the rest of the footballers will have to accept a massive drop in their wages, allowing even the rain soaked fans in Manchester to afford to watch their team and pay for the heating bill when they get home.  That'll teach Ronaldo to get the "not so pretty boy" Rooney sent off for stamping on the private parts of his buddy!

So here's todays lesson for the brave new world of T0.  By supporting the idiot bankers of Bankia with ECB funding (inevitably coming from the good citizens of Europe), the ECB is actually sending a message that it's ok to lend football clubs ridiculous amount of money to pay for the precious primadona's otherwise know as football players.  STOP THIS LUNACY. What hope has Europe got with these idiots at the ECB in control?  This is a classic case of bankers and footballers contriving together to support themselves and the rest of us picking up the bill.  As with most things these days, it simply doesn't add up.  A final message to Ronaldo and all other footballer's, Gucci only looks good covering the smallest of backsides on the hotties, time to man up!

If the kids were united....

So "no drama Obama" has only a few days left to save the western world from implosion, I say "burn baby, burn".  No, not the western world, but it's politicians.  Freddie has come to know quite a few politicians in his time and has never met an honest one, NEVER.  One politician friend looked mortified when I told him that the rest of us don't trust politicians.  He asked why?  Earth to moron time, because they say whatever it will take to get elected or line their pockets.  Still looking mortified, I reminded my friend that he'd just stabbed one of his friends in the back, pretty much got him fired and had also just trousered a fair amount of cash from a deal that had left both parties feeling cheated.  Funnily enough, he didn't see it that way!  None so blind as the kids that don't want to see.

So let's look at the US budget crisis.  On the face of it the Americans have reached their self-imposed borrowing limits so need to find a way of paying for their increased defecit or increasing their overdraft limit.  Now, when you own the world's largest piggy bank you would normally think you could easily decide that it's costing too much so you'll pull in the spending and maybe borrow some more to cover the short term before your cuts reduce the overdraft.  However, it's not so easy when politicians own the keys to the bank.  Not because they want to make sure the math of reducing the overdraft stacks up, more because they want to use this as a way of ensuring they can win the election in the next year or so.  You see the Republicans want to make sure the American public hasn't forgotten about this come the next election so will only offer a solution that brings the world to crisis point again before the next election and they can point the finger at the Democrats.  Interesting, given the Republicans racked up the debt in the first place by invading everywhere that has oil and cutting taxes at the same time.  Freddie would probably sit on the Republican fence on most arguments, but this time enough is enough.  Shut up and get on with it - agree with "no drama Obama" and stop worrying about YOURSELVES!

If this wasn't bad enough, has anybody noticed how Jeb Bush seems to be making a comeback in the US in time to test the water for a Presidential bid?  Funny, but I remember him being employed by a certain bankrupt US investment bank called Lehman's.  Is he for real?  Only in America would anybody think you could allow the investment bank you work for to be the catalyst for global financial meltdown without talking to your older brother (who happens to be the President at the time) and then think that it's all ok as people forget so much that they'll then allow you to be President.  COME ON!

Now, if you contrast this with countries that don't have the benefit of being run under the "democratic" system of government, one could make some interesting observations.  North Korean dictatorships just end up with the same hunger problems as the UK will be facing this winter when people will have a choice between heating and eating.  You may not get death by stoning for adultery in the UK, but your friendly 70+ year old granny will have to wear an electronic tag to monitor her movements if she fails to have her 18 year old labrador (the only thing left in her life) put down because you can't afford the call-out fee for the vet (THIS IS A TRUE STORY IN 2011 PEOPLE).  My point is this, democracy isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Why?  Elected politicians are one of the biggest evils of our time, simple!  You don't believe me, who pays for the hundreds of millions of dollars it costs to become President of the US?  You think donors give it out of the goodness of their hearts?  Why do UK politicians steal so much from their allowances?  Why does Italy allow Berlusconi to change the laws to prevent him being prosecuted?  You think Carla Bruni really has a thing for short guys?

Now Freddie has been exposed to one or two virtual dictators and kingdoms.  I've even met a huge Serbian fellow who gave me a big bear hug and told me "don't believe all that propoganda you see on the BBC, we're nice guys".  In many countries businessman are just that, businessmen.  They don't stick their noses into politics as they know their heads (not noses) will be cut off.  Fair enough, they know the rules, if you want to do something a bit "iffy" you ask the "Boss".  The point is, the "Boss" really is the guy ruling the country.  Businessmen should answer to the "Boss", the "Boss" shouldn't be in the pocket of the businessman.  The "Boss" rules the country as he seems fit without worrying about who is going to pay his election bill.  Why is this important, nobody bothers to hide the obvious corruption rather they work with it and accept it as a price for a pretty much happy country.  You never see women offering to take their tops off in support of their Prime Minister in Europe, you do in Russia!  You never hear of people in Italy openly declaring their loyalty and respect to their President, they do in Kazakhstan!  You never hear citizens in the UK openly declaring the love of their country (probably because you'd be called racist and arrested) but you do in the United Arab Emirates!

Now remember, politicians are basically the power crazy nerds you knew at school that couldn't get laid or play for the school football team.  These idiots are now exacting their revenge on you by ruling you in government.  You didn't like or trust them then, so why trust them now?

Lesson's for T0?  Simple, democracy doesn't work any more as the lunatics (politicians) have taken over the asylum.  In the words of the Highlander "there can be only one!"  So let's have a look at other systems of governing, take the self interest out of the equation and go back to totalitarianism.  I know this is a thought that will horrify most people, but are you really happy with things as they are.  No politician is going to tell bankers or footballers how much to earn; or keep fuel prices down; keep food prices down; ask Bill Gates to give his money back; or tell the bone idle to work!  Why not, they won't get re-elected.  So T0 is going to accept that the "Boss" will run the mafia his way as long as the vast majority are happy and the undeserving are motivated to get off their backsides and contribute.  You can rest assured that if the "Boss" doesn't get it right, there can always be a new "Boss" as history has shown time and again.

So good luck to Obama.  Sort'em out fella!

Footnote, for those not understanding the headline of this particular blog, "If the kids were united" is the title of a song by the UK punk rock band Sham 69 which was played as the triumphant entry/introduction for Prime Minister Tony Blair at a conference as leader of the Labour Party.  Given the infighting of the Labour Party at the time, who says politicians don't have a sense of irony?  Just to add to the irony, Sham 69 were at the forefront of the neo fascist skinhead movement in the 1970's and 1980's!  Bet nobody told that to Tony Blair!

Three lion's on a shirt......

So Freddie was reading the newspapers today and wanders away from the turgid financial section that reminds us how life was better under the barter economy or those happy Thatcherite years of union bashing and "loadsamoney" loud mouthed brokers in the City of London.  Oh for those long university summers of doing very little (except the blonde hotties)........  Anyway, the sport pages seemed to bring a little light relief, England winning the first test match against India and Amir Khan on the upward trajectory after winning his last fight in Las Vegas.  Then it all goes wrong again, Giggs and his team mates dancing on tables in New York and Ashley Cole banging anything he can again.  In Cole's case, the badge shouldn't be three lions on the shirt but three ho's on their backs!  Footballers, the most vile creatures on the planet, worse than bankers but always getting away with it as long as they kiss the club badge on their shirts on a Saturday afternoon.  Can't imagine what Joe Public would say to the taxpaying banker if he went round kissing his Hermes tie every time he paid a tax bill bigger than his mortgage.

Now I should declare a conflict of interest at this point.  Freddie played football at school and then fell in love with rugby at university.  If that wasn't enough, an adult life living East of London meant years of torture quietly following West Ham.  So on this basis, it's ok to despise the vastly overpaid footballers of West London/Manchester/Liverpool.  That said, I never let it get in the way of freebie corporate boxes at Wembley and Old Trafford (a rare treat seeing Man United getting stuffed by Liverpool).

Now Freddie has left the banking world for the pleasures of tax dodging (well, what's the point of forty Hermes ties if you can't get laid for kissing them in the nightclubs of Moscow).  It's time to risk the wrath of the soccer supporting public and say a few home truths that will help us all in the brave new world of T0.

Let's say it out loud, "IT'S ONLY A GAME".  Ok you might prefer it to rugby, cricket or tennis (equally overpaid, but some of the girls are a lot easier on the eye than Wayne Rooney), but footballers are much better at grabbing the cash of the working man than any banker.  Wasn't it Ruud Gullit (former Chelsea Manager) that demanded his wages "netto" (net of taxes)?  Isn't it footballers earning millions a year that shove their wages into "image rights" in order to lower their tax bills?  Yet it's those same overpaid tax dodgers that have their names sung aloud on a Saturday afternoon by the banker hating masses, how does that work?  While we're on the subject of image rights, do you think Rooney got paid for images of him shagging the latex clad granny? Awful image in my mind - maybe the tax man should be challenging his image rights and stick some more tax on him.  It's not as if Shrek (Rooney) is going anywhere is it?  Parallel with bankers???  I don't hear anybody moaning about footballer's wages.......

Let's also point out that England hasn't won a football world cup since 1966 - contrast this with the rugby team that won the world cup in 2003 and also reached the final in 2007.  Wilkinson, Johnson and Dallaglio could only dream of the money of Shrek et al.  Now being a banker, you might expect me to have sympathy with the argument you get paid what you're worth - funny how the politicians never recognize this argument for bankers.  Inviting Beckham (and his hottie missus) to Downing Street is much more of a vote winner than a holiday photo with "Fred the shred".  That said, the most important point here is the "value add" of footballers, NIL!  So let's lower the sky tv subscriptions, refuse to pay $100 for a shirt or $2000 for a season ticket and bring these guys back to planet reality.

In the T0 world you get paid for your "value add" to society.  Sportsmen are being paid to play a game they're supposed to love for fans that want to be entertained not ripped off.  If you win the world cup then I might be prepared to listen.  But these buggers spoiled an afternoon in my six berth luxury air conditioned motorhome at Glastonbury last year when they capitulated to Merkel's underpaid whippersnapper's!  It's just not fair and isn't cricket!  Go and watch a rugby team (union or league) on a Saturday afternoon or a local football team that plays for the love of the game and the pride of their town.  Maybe the overpaid granny shaggers will stop quaffing the Kristal champagne in China White's and then you could all swap your season ticket cash and stay out of the mud in your luxury trailer at Glastonbury with your friendly value for money investment banker!